@Teeter_Totter: I don't care how hardcore you are. If you don't cry when Dumbo visits his mommy in elephant jail, you have no soul.
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@JohnLyonTweets: A tornado can get rough quickly, so it's important to agree on a safe word before having sex with a tornado.
@earthfalcon33: PRANK: ask someone what's on their shirt and when they look down give them a perm
@SirEviscerate: HER: (touching my chest) What a fascinating tattoo... ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.