@BrattyBarbie: I don't care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn't grab you is to use the run and jump method.
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@Sarcasticsapien: I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn't feed them and someone else did they wouldn't go to them immediately.
@bea_ker: Newsreader: Police are asking anyone with any information- Me: [shouting at TV] You lose 90% of your heat from your head
@JumbledButts: *puts a DVD of 'Frozen' and a DVD of 'Dante's Peak' into the same DVD player* *'Waterworld' starts playing*
@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"