@ClassicMegan: I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who
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@aecide: Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head.
@VeganZebra: *spelling bee* Me: b-e-e Judge 1: No, sir, wait until we tell- Me: B-E-E Judge 2: I mean, he's not wrong
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.
@FilthyRichmond: My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches