I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas.

@Snarfernini: I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking.

105

@ramblinma: I want my kids to have a fun childhood, but like a lazy, quiet kind of fun that doesn't cost anything.

1

@sweetg35: I like to test the waters by pushing people in.????

45

@alliejane_508: I once left a love note on the wrong car, so yeah, you should totally trust me with important paperwork.

28

@Be___Dope: [on the phone] Me: *whispers* I think my CW knows I'm high. CW: You know you're talking to a banana right?

1

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets