@Lisa_Laughs_: I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas.
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@iwearaonesie: [on the phone] wife: My mom tripped over the dog me: Is she ok? wife: Yeah me: Can I talk to her? wife: Sure *calls for the dog*
@michaeljhudson: *dog runs for president* *is asked race sensitive question "The thing is, I don't see color" *crowd goes wild*
@XplodingUnicorn: If you still had hope for kids today, a teenager in a bookstore pointed to a book title and asked me if it was about World War Two or Eleven
@squirrel74wkgn: [outside of bank] Guy (puts on pantyhose mask): Ok! Guy 2 (puts on mask): Ready! Me (wearing pantyhose): Ok, I'm gonna need a minute.