@kirkfox: I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.
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@ZAKagan: Me: look at these colorful leaves, fall is so beautiful Leaf: *cough* behold the desolation of my brothers *wheeze* death surrounds us all
@Book_Krazy: Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: My fish died. Teacher: What fish? Boy: You don't know him he goes to different school.
@rolldiggity: Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy "doesn't exist" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?
@WigCannon: Do you know why I pulled you over? "Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet." I meant this time "Oh. No." Please step out of the oven.