@kirkfox: I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.
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@lloydrang: Cashier: do you need bags? Me: do any of us NEED anything? Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too Me: plastic please
@Schmoodles: I wish I was an American so that I had the right to bear arms. I'd probably go for panda bear arms because awwwww, so cute.
@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
@NicestHippo: [serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left