@ThisCantBRight: I don't condone workplace violence, until someone microwaves fish in the break room.
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@KatieKatCubs: My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
@onion_an: [at restaurant on 1st date pretending not to be an eel] Date: The wine is lovely great choice Me: *helplessly slips off chair*
@osoplain: I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic