@ThisCantBRight: I don't condone workplace violence, until someone microwaves fish in the break room.
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@generaldietz: Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you’re bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say “isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?”
@Phook75: The upside to having kids is how you're able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans