@BarryVonAwesome: I don't consider it a good night out if it doesn't end up as a super villain's origin story
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@ch000ch: call 2 psychiatrists and tell them ur gonna put them on the phone with a guy who thinks he's a psychiatrist. now put them in the same call.
@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.
@TheMichaelRock: It's sad that we live in a world where we'll add a word to the dictionary if stupid people use it enough.
@InternetHippo: [halloween at the retirement home where i work] Boss: You can’t wear that costume here Me (leaning on my scythe): Why not