@Book_Krazy: I don't do Botox anymore cause when I can't make my angry face, people just assume it's ok to talk to me.
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@EJGomez: "We can't hire you. We're trying to get more diverse" ME: But I'm Hispanic [A bear walks in wearing a fresh Hooters outfit] ME: Aw man
@TheMichaelRock: 7yo: I HAVE A LOOSE TOOTH! Me: The Tooth Fairy doesn't want you messing with it until payd...Friday.
@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.