@caperbc75: Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes

@Pork_Chop_Hair: Just dropped a butcher knife in the kitchen and apparently I can fly now. So that's cool.

@mrjohndarby: In the middle of an important meeting I quietly pass my boss a post-it note. It just says 'girl cats have wherskers'. He nods

@MasterOfFury: "Where was you at?" I was probably not skipping English class.

@Mr_Kapowski: Lady Astronaut: *eats all the chocolate* Guy Astronaut: You know we're on the space shuttle for- LA: SHUTTLE YOUR MOUTH AND GIVE ME SPACE