@markydoodoo: "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumbled into the tv remote.

@CornOnTheGoblin: ♫ she's just a small time girl workin at Jurassic Woooorld opened a raptor cage now they're everywhere ♫

@NicestHippo: [getting fired from NASA] Is it because I kept saying "Technically we're already in space?"

@ArfMeasures: *watches Planet Of The Apes* Ugh it's so unrealistic that dumb creatures would rule the planet *watches the news* Oh

@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!