@SequelsWeWant: Ocean's 45: The group gets bigger each heist It's too hard to keep secrets Someone posts the next plan on Facebook Everyone goes to jail

@aidanjsears: *sees a car with a "how am i driving" bumper sticker* *calls the phone number* ME: buddy i think it's with a steering wheel

@smeagolsfree: Girl, are you a barnacle? Because you suck and I can't get you off my boat

@GinAndJif: I vacuumed up a giant spider, so now I just have to leave the hoover running for the rest of my life so it can't get out again.

@Not_a_JesusGirl: Santa is a smart guy. Visits people only once a year.