@ninatreemonkey: I don't even like sleep, it's just the only way I can eat spiders
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@daemonic3: [at zoo] Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K.
@thejessbess: Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal.
@phranqueigh: I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed
@jackiembouvier: I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again.