@Playing_Dad: I don't ever use my blinker. It's nobody's business where I'm going.
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@DamienFahey: Piss me off in the grocery store and I'll get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.
@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
@IRLPepperMD: [911 call] IM GETTING EATEN- *pause* Ok one sec. *holds phone away from mouth* Are you an alligator or a crocodile? *pause* Cool. ITS A CRO-