@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.
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@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'
@ArfMeasures: COP: There's been a murder BATMAN: I won't rest until I avenge them C: It's outside of Gotham B: Actually I have got a lot on at the moment
@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker] "Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha" Actually I am. "WHAT" APRIL FOOLS! "Whew" I'm technically a serial killer.