@murrman5: I don't get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* "your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps"
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@SortaBad: "Click to read this man's secret to incredible 6 pack abs!" *click* article: hard work, diet, & exercise me: I have never felt more betrayed
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@OfficeofSteve: The wife wants me to be a doctor in our sex role playing. So I guess I'll make her wait an hour, then send her to a specialist
@hyperblastchic: My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles.