@murrman5: I don't get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* "your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps"
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@Parentpains: Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
@Audenary: 'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite
@wittwitbarista: Unroll wrapping paper. Shoo cat away Turn to get gift Shoo cat away Get tape Dammit cat Get tape Wrap up cat Wrap up gift Pet cat
@BonaFideIntent: Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*