@OldUncleDaveO: I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Flung my bra across the room and it sailed right into the drawer, if any of you are looking to start a basketball team that uses bras.
@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.