@MarcusTheToken: I don't hate anyone. I just don't like people.
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@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@VerifiedDrunk: Me- Can I borrow a screwdriver? Neighbor- Phillips or regular? Me- Grey Goose and Tropicana
@murrman5: *calls sister while babysitting for her* "the younger one says you guys don't own a snake. this true?" [kid in background] ITS LOOKING AT ME