@JamieGreenlees: I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
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@Parentpains: Apparently "I'll break your god damn legs" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
@CopBroughtPizza: gf: i'm breaking up with you. me: is it my drinking habits? gf: well it... me: *interrupts with empty cup straw-sipping noise for 2 minutes*