@Severnjaca: I don't have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is "blender without the lid on".
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@Steelers1972: The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don't care if you get the last iPad Mini.
@michaeldean0116: If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader.......
@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.
@Parkerlawyer: My son, sleepwalking, came into my room and said “Can you get the trash out of my bed?” So I went to his room and showed him there’s no trash and he said, exasperated, “Why would there be trash in my bed?” then laid down and went back to sleep. That about sums up motherhood.