@Severnjaca: I don't have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is "blender without the lid on".
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@TheDailySchmuck: Black Super Mario *Jumps on mushroom* *Throws fireball at turtle* *Slides down sewer pipe* *Arrested for assault, arson, and trespass*
@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend accused me of sleeping with her sister and I was like, "How can that be possible when her snoring keeps me up all night?"
@roostermustache: [on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU