@That_Damn_Duck: I don't have a mental problem, I have mental problems...plural.
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@raniao2011: When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like I love you for what you have inside. (Me to my fridge)
@wtfhuman: Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles.
@RainbowJohnJ: Superman finally decides, after realizing an entire city of people is duped by a pair of glasses, that Metropolis really isn't worth saving.
@cjwerleman: Vanilla Ice arrested for grand theft. Cops say, "He jumped in the car, slammed on the gas bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed."