@dumbbeezie: That confusing moment when the person you hate at work brings donuts

@kissmeimkinky: I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

@hippieswordfish: ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive

@SmiggieBalls2: *grandpa in hospice* "son your generation relies on technology too much" "no gramps" *pulls the plug* "yours does." beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

@Dawn_M_: *slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*