@That_Damn_Duck: I don't have a mental problem, I have mental problems...plural.
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@MattOswaltVA: couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom
@WheelTod: I always carry a condom in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well & I need to impress her with my balloon animals skills.
@_mindflakes: (boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today
@HatfieldAnne: We’ve all talked about throwing a dirty dish away instead of washing it. But only some of us have done it.