@kwirkyKerri: I don't have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn't knocked up.
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@HelmdawgE: My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, "how did the job interview go?" in front of everyone.
@rickolantern: [making yellowjackets] Angel: These things don't really do anything other than sting people God: We're running out of college mascots
@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!