@yoyoha: I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
@EliTerry: I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER
@lecalabara: Thanks Autocorrect, I did want to bang her braids out.
@darinlovesbacon: The Never Ending Story should've been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
@blaha_Who: Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
@all_about_today: What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh.