@yoyoha: I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling]
She thinks I'm foolish with money
"He used our life savings to buy a tiger"
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN
@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.
@calluptome: If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.
@elwaytotheend: Pro tip: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
@hayes_t_r: *puts on layers of running gear*
*makes a ponytail*
*laces up sneakers*
*drives to McDonalds*