@birbigs: I don't have a swimmer's body. I have more of a drowning to death body. #Olympics
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@chimneyspotter: *reads online that you should befriend your coworkers with some water cooler talk* ME (to coworker): So, are you into water coolers?
@joe_binkley: "Opening a llama acting school called 'Save the Drama for your Llama." "No, I mean where do you see yourself in 5 years with this job?"
@Biraahwa: Friend: Do you have a bird problem? Me: No. Friend: Why is there a scare crow in your compound. Me: Oh that? That's for people.
@Reel2Dialog2: Me: *wakes up with a jolt, sweating* Her: omg are you ok?? Me: BABY SPICE WASN'T A BABY SO THAT MEANS SPORTY PROBABLY WASN'T ATHLETIC AT ALL