@SwoonTwang: I don't have tinted windows on my car because if people don't like watching me dance, they can tint their own goddamn windows.
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@FilthyRichmond: Pregnant women go through a "nesting" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed.
@myonlymizztake: One of my coworkers keeps stealing my lunch, so I included my favorite cucumber today. Hope she likes it.
@Karissajem: Neighbors just got a pirate ship playhouse for their backyard. Drunk me has never been so excited.