@peterjames48: "I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KimmyMonte: *phone rings* "Yeh hi who's this? Sure he's here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u." "Who is it?" "Drastic Times" *crowd goes wild*
@Deno_Tron: Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he's not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room
@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.