@BuckyIsotope: “I don’t have to run faster than the bear. I just have to run faster than you,” I say to my hiking companion. It is Usain Bolt. A bear waves
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@WheelTod: [Wedding Open Bar in my 20s] Woohoo! Imma get sooo wasted!! [Wedding Open Bar in my 40s] Woohoo! Imma save maybe $11!
@foxnerdrn: Why is it that when your dog brings you things he's killed it's cute, but when I do it we have to get the police involved?
@GuyConfused: Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.