@SamGirlSunday: I don't know about you, but I could really go for a punch in your face right now.
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@Home_Halfway: Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
@Rachelnoise: Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. "18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."
@blade_funner: [the invention of ping pong] "I don't want this tiny ball." "Well, neither do I." "That makes me very angry." "Me too."
@Bandersnaaatch: Home is where the heart is, and hopefully it's where all of the other vital organs reside too.