@lecalabara: I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
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@carlyken: Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better] "sorry, we're full" [lights myself on fire]
@ibid78: "Dave's coming over." -Dave from work or Dave that doesn't know how doors work? [doorknob sorta jiggles for like 20 minutes]