@Tacet_no_more: Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?

@Elizasoul80: Winnie the Pooh is an addict who doesn't wear pants and lives in the woods. If he were a person, he'd be the first suspect in every crime.

@SaltyCorpse: I'm eating the last of the pizza rolls but I'm puttting the empty bag back so my kids know what it's like to get their hopes crushed.

@RelatabIe: whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can

@JWilsonGA: I don't know what "swag" is, but I was just told Justin Bieber & Lil Wayne both claim to have it. So, I'm assuming it's not talent.