@tsm560: I don’t know if this day is tantamount to the worst day of my life because I don’t know what tantamount means.
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@hammbone84: [Tornado siren blaring] Wife: Let's go to the basement. Me: There will be no line at Pizza Hut buffet. Wife: Me: I'll bring you a salad.
@thepunningman: [date] Clark Kent: I propose a toast *they take their glasses off the table* Lois Lane: omg it's Supertable!
@TheGladStork: Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.
@EdLatimore: If the only way you can make money with your degree is to become a professor teaching the subject... Then you have--by definition--joined a pyramid scheme.