@MaraWritesStuff: I don't know if you really meant to Like Ebola on Facebook, 8,000 people
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@geowizzacist: My 4yo: Let's play a game! Me: Is it you throw toys around the house and I pick them up? 4: No. Yes.
@tchrquotes: Bear boss: I need to see you two in my office right away. *I see my coworker is nervous* Me: Relax, how bad can it be. Salmon: Shut. Up.
@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
@LoveNLunchmeat: Before gunpowder, entire wars were fought with nothing but pinecones and latent rage.