@Tmoney68: I don't know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22.
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@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job
@girlontapas: Diet app pops up "What did you have for dinner?" *looking at glass of wine* *turns off phone*
@generaldietz: NEMESIS: i hate you ME: i hate me too. and the enemy of my enemy is my friend NEMESIS: so can you stay the night? ME: i'll ask my mom
@daemonic3: [gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] "It's negative" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative