@ashleyaustrew: "I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins." - my 4yo after I explained taxes
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@callie_cakes: Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
@QwertyJones3: If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs.
@pixelatedboat: "Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem," I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct