@ashleyaustrew: "I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins." - my 4yo after I explained taxes
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@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
@Barack_and_Joe: When your homie hyped you up to talk to a girl and you look back one last time before risking it all.
@ch000ch: me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: "lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."