@WhatevaConc: I don't know what base that was, but thank you TSA.
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@prawn_meat: if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you "where's the fire" you can just make up an address. they don't have a list of current fires.
@Underchilde: I slept like a log, which means my underside was moist and bugs kept crawling up my crack.
@GinAndJif: If you encounter someone who is massively overreacting to something, calm them down by laughing at them.
@ceejoyner: A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive.