@Midgetspar: I don't know what "Leg Day" is but spending it at the gym is no way to celebrate.
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@looktothepickle: Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people
@on_the_fritz_17: If you're going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
@: DEVIL: You shall stay forever young, but this picture of you will bear the marks of your sin! DORIAN: Can I hide it? DEVIL: Well, yes, but— DORIAN: And there are no other consequences? DEVIL: This… This picture will become so foul! DORIAN: Again, probably I’ll hide the picture.
@stevevsninjas: Robber: Give me your phone and don't try anything funny. *looks at my tweets* Ok, I see that you haven't.