@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects.

@trevso_electric: I don't have ADD. It's just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.

@NoChillPosts: LMAO

@kyle_thatisall: Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"

@Merman_Melville: (Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)