@rolldiggity: "I don't know where this rumor started, but Company and I are just good friends." -Misery
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@VeganZebra: [after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has
@leechee420: I'm sorry sir, your wife didn't make it. Was it *sniff* the lack of prayers on Facebook? Yes sir, I'm afraid it was.
@peetiesays: Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas.