@VodkaTiem: I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect.
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@tedtheboi: Bae: Come over Me: Do you have food?? Bae: My parents aren't home Me: Are they coming back with food??
@WigCannon: Do you know why I pulled you over? "Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet." I meant this time "Oh. No." Please step out of the oven.
@decentbirthday: Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch