@samalmightysam: I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
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@TheMichaelRock: Why are people pissed off that Justin Bieber smoked some weed? It's not like he released another album or anything.
@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes…why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]
@Schmoodles: Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I ? Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.