@OneFunnyMummy: I don't know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
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@ColorMeScradd: Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs? Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs? Me: No, I said the right thing...
@SteveKoehler22: Nike is coming out with a line of Air Brady football shoes. They have a built in suspension feature. You just have to let some air out.
@JesKeepSwimming: Sorry I can't make it to lunch today. I forgot to shorten "people" to ppl in a text this morning and now I'm totally behind schedule.
@sofarrsogud: Before we were married, my wife was like a tiger in the bedroom. Now she's more like a possum. She plays dead whenever a snake approaches.