@OneFunnyMummy: I don't know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
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@inmybox07: [First day of medical school] Teacher: Here is a diagram of all the vessels of the body... Me: So in surgery, do we cut the red one or the blue one to diffuse the bomb?
@AbbieEvansXO: [at Hooters] Me: you shouldn't be working here. you're a human being Waitress: look, it's my choi- Me: -seriously, where are the owl waiters
@SamGrittner: "Your gun and your badge. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun." - Octopus Police Chief