@Adam14: I don't know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
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@tastefactory: Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*
@leechee420: Accidentally ate the sticker on my apple. This wouldn't have happened if it had been a Snickers.
@copymama: I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.
@Try2StopME: Friend: "Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married." ME: "Wow! when?" Friend: "Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."