@XGroverX: I don't know why smokey the bear carries a shovel, but it scares the shit out of me.
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@Brampersandon_: [two guys watching me in a surveillance van] Guy: i think im gonna be sick Other guy: he seriously just ate an entire stick of deodorant
@SwirlySkittles: Me: These five words I swear to you, when you breathe I want- Him: Stop singing to the mustard Me: *stands up and closes fridge* Whatever.
@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.