@rocknthepurple: I don't know why so many people blame their air conditioning for their inability to spell.
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@LindaInDisguise: If my partner didn't want me to wear yoga pants because they make me too attractive to other men, I'd respect his wishes and take them off.
@realHamOnWry: You can lead a horse to water, but you have to work really, really hard to get him up on water skis.
@Chumpstring: [airport] SON: can i yell bomb? DAD: no. SON: hijack? DAD: nope. SON: how about shitballer? DAD: uh yeah i guess but please don't.
@girl_a_whirl: A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society.