@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.
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@shadygrenade: License and registration please. "Bears." Excuse me? "Beaaaaars." Are you drunk sir? "BEAAAARS!" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*
@AaronFullerton: To gangs that carve their names into public toilet seats: A) Why? B) Haha, you touched a public toilet seat.
@HenpeckedHal: Autocorrect changed "decaffeinated" to "defecated", and despite what my wife may claim, I'm pretty sure she knew what I wanted a cup of.