@torrami: I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor.
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@LazyChank: Explained to my client that he shouldn't put "urgent" in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as "urgent urgent".
@thenatewolf: *angrily throws glass of bourbon into the fireplace* I'M SORRY MY RUDE WIFE DIDN'T OFFER YOU A DRINK, MR. FIRE!!!!
@Robert_Beau: Her: Put your finger on it! Me: Like this? Her: Oh yeah, I can finish now! -Making the perfect bow
@SumukhComedy: Every Liam Neeson movie now is just him talking on the phone then killing people, right?