@torrami: I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor.
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@mynameisntdave: ME: how long will it take to remodel my house? CONTRACTOR: only about 2 months [9 years later] CONTRACTOR: ok so we've installed 1 stair
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
@mrjohndarby: [meeting my gf's parents] her: *quietly* don't worry, my dad's nice but he doesn't say much [later] her dad: I love my daughter very a lot me: i see
@themorris23: *Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall* SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?! Judge- no, CREDIBLE! Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL