@markleggett: I don't like it when a pretty girl with glasses takes them off, and her eyes were actually painted onto the inside of the lenses.
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@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...
@SlabBaconBP: Take a stand against childhood obesity by chasing little fat kids down the street.
@TEXASVETERAN: Neighbor thinks I'm stalking her. Any time she hears a noise she is purified. Petrified! Sorry, not easy reading a diary thru binoculars.
@Midgetspar: I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.