@DougBenson: I don't like it when my phone puts a word in "quotals" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something.
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@squidswards: Teachers are sometimes like an alarm clock. They won't shut up when you're trying to sleep.
@Coastiefish: You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed.
@iwearaonesie: coworker: Do you want a plate? me [carrying 2 pieces of cake out of the break room] For what?