@ranndrew: I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night.
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@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@tastefactory: [ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] "My dead what?" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!
@WilliamRodgers: This could be the Alcohol talking but.... OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!
@TedBundybitch: 14: what could happen? Me: you could get her pregnant. 14: im not comfortable putting my dingaling in her thingaling Me:*writes suicide note