@BrettDruck: I don't like when they use "late" to describe a deceased person. It's like give a guy a break on his attendance, he's dead.
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@murrman5: [wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] "he looks like you" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though
@CelebrityChez: My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left.
@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss