@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
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@UncleDuke1969: She said we needed to talk and... I said, "Yeah, I think we should break up, too." She said, "About where to eat." "Oh," I said, "Pizza?"
@tastefactory: [on date] ME: I'll have a steak WAITER: How would u like that cooked? ME: Uhh with fire or some kind of heat? *rolls eyes at date*
@longwall26: *Paul Ryan watches a children's hospital explode* Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light