@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
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@bluebonetbabies: I love how we have a big tv so my 3 kids can crowd around the tiny iPad and argue over not being able to see.
@xlpaws: I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants.
@weinerdog4life: I carry a bar of soap in my pocket so when someone tries to talk to me I can pull it out and say someone is paging me and leave.
@MyMomologue: Bedtime: Brush teeth Put on pjs Read Turn off light Put them back in bed Put them back in bed Threaten everything they love Put them back