@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
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@moose_chocolate: Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
@ashlar36: Fact: Canadians are legally allowed to be late for work once a week for 'reindeer related delays.'
@WetzelGeek: Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
@sip_at_home_mom: Finally cleaned out the fridge to make meal planning easier. Tonight, we're having buttered olives with mustard and baking soda.