@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
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@LifeUnPinterest: As a parent, you learn to accept you can't run away from your problems. They will find you. And they will demand fruit snacks.
@KyleMcDowell86: DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU
@upsidedowntrash: Genie: And your second and third wish? Me: [just killing it on banjo now that my fingers are slightly less fat than they used to be] No need