@FlyJ_: I don't mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day diet in 3 hours and 15 minutes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nettie0918: My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce.
@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"
@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.