@Bluestmoon_: I don't mean to brag, but I'm in my 30's and my bank account makes me look 21.
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@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@Storminika: My boyfriend just sent me a txt: 'I think I want to see other people.' My reply was, 'You better look out the window.'